Whoever said dating was easy? I’ve got a lot of busy, single girl mates, and they share their dating stories with me alllll the time. It’s actually pretty full on and mind-blowing listening to some of the stories – it can be bloomin’ hard work to find a great guy!
I’m finding a lot of them are turning to online dating and app based ways, especially now we’re confined indoors.
For all the women out there who are in the same situation as many of my gal pals, I’ve taken up a bit of research on this topic. If you want to make your love life flow more smoothly, here are the five biggest mistakes to avoid.
1. Being too passive
While the man does enjoy being the pursuer in the early going, once you’re officially dating, you can’t leave all of the work to him. If you never initiate a kiss or plan a night out, he’ll begin to feel like he’s the only one investing in your relationship.
Be a true partner by sharing the initiative with your man whether it’s in the bedroom or making plans for the weekend. Let him know he’s important to you and that he’s worth a little effort. We can guarantee that he’ll reciprocate.
By avoiding these five missteps, you’ll be well on your way to having a great relationship with a man who adores you.
2. Not giving online dating a chance
Bars and clubs are not always the best place to meet a man, especially if you’re looking for a long-term relationship. There are some amazing dating apps for meeting men who are serious about finding a mate. Always do your homework and find the app that will work best for you and your needs.
Once you’ve downloaded an app, invest some time in it. Fill out your profile with relevant information and post at least three flattering pictures. Remember, your profile is like an introduction on a blind date. You want to make a good first impression.
It’s also important to not go into online dating with an “ideal man” in mind. The perfect guy for you may not be what you first imagined. While it’s the right move to ignore men who are obnoxious or trying to get sexual with you, it’s a good idea to give all respectful men a chance. You never know who you might find a connection with.
Once you’re chatting with someone interesting, keep your interactions upbeat and casual. You can get to know him with open-ended questions and asking about his hobbies and passions. Once you know he’s interested in you, don’t be afraid to compliment him. Every guy likes to hear that you think he’s funny or smart or that you appreciate his biceps.
3. Being overly friendly
This is a trap many women fall into. They have an immediate connection with a man and they bombard him with information about themselves. Remember, the first few dates are for getting to know each other. You’re not BFFs, you’re not even in a real relationship yet.
As such, you’ll want to avoid telling him all about the problems you’re having at work or about how your last boyfriend broke your heart. Sharing intimate details too soon leaves him with the impression that you’re needy or downright desperate.
Instead, let the conversation flow naturally. Focus on having fun rather than on impressing him and remember to show interest in him and what he has to say. This is how you’ll be able to gauge if he’s worth your time or if you should move on.
4. Moving too fast
You’ve met a great guy and he seems completely smitten with you. He wants to be with you and talk with you as much as possible. The problem with moving too fast, however, is that when men get too much of a good thing early in the relationship, their infatuation fizzles before it can turn into something more serious.
Remember, you have a life outside of him, so don’t sacrifice work, family or friends for his sake. In the early going, see him a few times a week rather than every single day. You can still talk, text or video chat on the days you’re apart, but it shouldn’t be for the entire evening. Let him see that you have a full life, regardless of whether he’s in it.
Men might be attracted to women who accommodate their every whim in the short-term, but they don’t fall in love with them.
Well-rounded, self-sufficient women who don’t “need” a man to make them complete or happy are always the more attractive option for long-term. So, strive to be the type of woman who is with a man because she wants to be, not because she fears being alone.
5. Approach him first
In this day and age when women are considered equal to men, it only makes sense for a gal to take the initiative and make things happen, isn’t it?
In a word: No.
While there are exceptions to every rule, most guys want to be the one who instigates the first conversation, the first contact, the first kiss. That’s not to say that a man you approach first won’t date you, but there will always be something lacking for him. He missed out on the chance to be the pursuer.
Yes, men do like strong women. Strong women are sexy. But no man wants to think his woman is stronger than him. And that’s what often happens when a woman initiates all of those “firsts.”
That’s not to say you should play games or pretend you’re not interested when you are. You can make the first move in a subtle way. Smile at him or catch his eye and hold contact for a few seconds before looking away. When you do this, it gives the man the confidence to approach you. If you give off these kinds of signals, trust us, he’ll take the initiative if he’s interested. And he’ll still feel like he made the first move.