Whether you’re married, dating or in a serious relationship, long distance, early days… all relationships run off the same fundamentals. There has to be commitment and trust, along with mutual respect from both of you, and of course, effort. It’s special when you have a connection with someone, but don’t feel like your relationship is right or wrong if the connection wasn’t instant. Some people develop feelings over a long period of time, where others meet someone and immediately it is BOOM! Every relationship is different, yet each one should be enjoyable and trusting.
That being said, absolutely no relationship is perfect. We’ve put our heads together and drawn up 8 things that cane really improve your bond. Take what you can from the points below, and hopefully, you’ll have a quality relationship that really works.
1. Communicate differently once in a while
Communication is key, but how many times do you do the same communication with your other half? It could be that you always speak on the phone, or ask each other the same questions when you are home from work. “What’s for tea?” or “how was your day at work?” can get mundane, and before you know it, you’re stuck in a conversation and communication rut.
Enhance your conversation by putting in the extra effort to question your partner about other things. Perhaps have they spoken to any friends today, what do you fancy doing next weekend, anything that is different from your usual rapport. If you speak only on the phone, send some whatsapp messages. If you only use WhatsApp, start commenting or replying to his on social media for an unexpected chat!
2. Plan a monthly date night
Everyone knows that date nights are needed, but it’s easier said than done when you may have fallen into a life where you no longer do them. You’ll no doubt both have busy schedules and nonstop responsibilities, so it could be worth pinpointing an evening that falls at the end of each month, in which you do something together.
Yes, I know what you’re thinking: cosy night in, then making an effort in the bedroom, pretty underwear and a rummage in ‘that draw’ for dildos and all kinds (don’t feel awkward that I’ve just read your mind, haha!). I mean, of course that’s one idea if you need to spice things up a bit, but you can also just cook for each other, watch a film, have a cocktail at your favourite bar, or even have a games night with no phones. You’ll be surprised by how much you actually talk to each other and have conversations you just never ‘had time for’ before!
3. Show your appreciation
It;s too easy to forget to show appreciation, but when you don’t ever do it, it can be the starting point for relationship failures. We all have tendencies to overlook what our partners do, but we should make note to treat their acts of kindness with appreciation, and not just expectation.
Let’s face it, your partner doesn’t have to fill your car up with fuel or buy you a bunch of flowers every now and again. If he or she chooses to, it’s a bonus, and a very lovely one at that. When they do things that prompt you to say thank you, stop and think about going more overboard with the recognition. Plus, they’ll probably start to do it even more!
4. Make time for each other
You might think that because you’ve started the planned date night once a month, or because you eat breakfast together three times a week, that you are making time for each other. Of course, you’re both independent and don’t plan on stopping your life for each other constantly, but it’s a gesture to compromise on your schedules and make extra time for each other.
If one of you has gold every Sunday, try to finish it early one weekend to make quality time. Or better still, miss a weekend. If your partner has plans that involve you but you can’t make it due to workload, wake up earlier to get ahead one morning and make that extra effort. These things can a relationship strong. It’s about both being happy.
5. Take an interest in the stuff that’s key to them
Sure, your partners job might bore the hell out of you, but remember that it’s his/her livelihood and you have to respect that. Add meaning to your conversation by truly listening to what they have to say, and talk about it with them in future conversations. If your partner has moaned about a boss, or has dreaded a meeting at work, mention it and ask what happened. If your partner has an unusual hobby or interest that you don’t really understand or like, every now and again ask about it and take an interest. It could be that your partner is much more wilder than you, in the bedroom and out of the bedroom! Whether they are keen on role play and strap-ons, or like to go out socialising every weekend with others, try to compromise with showing an interest and trying out their enjoyments every so often.
That way, the same should be done with yourself. It’s about give and take, and when you can both do this and show an interest, your relationship will flourish.
6. Don’t hold on to the past
What happens in the past doesn’t always stay there — but ideally it should. If something has happened and you find it hard to move on, you have to realise tht dwelling on it will ruin a relationship. If you can never move on from it then the wise idea might be that staying isn’t the right thing. But if you know you want to have a solid and strong relationship, you have to let go of any past difficulties being grudges are made.
If you are dwelling, you need to focus on the reason for this reccuring feeling. Work on it, and you’ll find more clarity within yourself and what you want from the relationship with your partner. The bottom line is though that only you know what you can move forward from or not.
7. Show affection
Along with expressing your gratitude to your partner, it’s sometimes all about the actions, too. By expressing how much you care about them with physical signs like grabbing your partner’s hand or reaching over to them in a restaurant, going to bed together at the end of the night, having a cuddle randomly in the day… it’s just these extra things!
If you know how you feel about your partner, then remember that sometimes they do need to see actions as well as hear words.
8. Know your partner’s boundaries
They say opposites attract, and sometimes this can be very true! If your partner prefers to be left alone when he or she is upset, honour it and don’t push them. Perhaps they are quiet when on big groups, or they don’t like to use their phone much when they are busy. Whatever it is, remember that we’re not all the same, and it’s key to respect the boundaries of the other person.
It’s so easy for a relationship to get stale, especially the longer you are together. But by keeping in mind the simple steps above, it just might save it from drying out a little too much!
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