‘What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.’ This quote from Ronald Gibson is an important reminder that our daily routines have an immense impact on our lives, and it applies to more than just our lives as individuals. What we do each day also contributes to the health and success of our marriages. Here, we will explore simple and powerful things to add to your daily routine to strengthen the bond between you and your spouse.
Eat Meals Together
Couples who eat together report feeling happier and more satisfied than those who eat apart from one another. Meals invite us to come together and have long been a way for us to connect – just consider how often first dates start with sitting down at a restaurant for a meal.
Eating meals together, without the distraction of the TV or your phones, allows you to reconnect with your spouse. It’s a time to share your day, wins, losses, and thoughts. Sitting down for a meal together also presents an opportunity to naturally and pressure-free talk about shared goals and your relationship (including the things that are going well or the things you’d like to work on or improve).
Express Gratitude
Acknowledgement and gratitude go a long way in making people feel seen and appreciated, making it a practice that will leave your spouse feeling loved. This practice can also benefit both parties in a marriage, as it’s a powerful way to focus on the warm and positive feelings you have for your partner. Take time to say thank you or that you appreciate something your spouse did throughout the day.
You could even extend this into a more formal practice where both of you sit down and list what your partner does that you’re grateful for. This is so beneficial that many therapists recommend it as a strength-building exercise for couples.
Do Little Things for Each Other
Odds are there’s something you can add to your daily routine that will help brighten your spouse’s day. Maybe you message your spouse part way through the day to let them know that you’re thinking about them, perhaps you bring them their morning coffee (just the way they like it) while you’re getting ready for the day, or maybe you take on a chore or errand for them.
These little things that don’t take up much of your time or energy can help your partner feel loved and appreciated and leave you both feeling more connected.
Take Part in a Shared Activity
Sharing activities can help increase feelings of connectedness in a relationship. Doing things together doesn’t have to be reserved for date nights or holidays. Married couples can add shared activities to their routine by sharing their daily habits or hobbies. It doesn’t have to be complex or hugely time-consuming; even doing little things like taking a walk together or cuddling up to watch an episode of a TV show can bring you closer together.
Even beyond watching something together or walking, there are ways you can share the things you do. For instance, if you both love reading, you could start sharing your favourite books with one another, cook dinner together, practise mindfulness together, or if you enjoy unwinding with video games or online slot games, you could go to this page and find a game you both enjoy.
Kiss, Hug, and Cuddle
Kissing, hugging, and cuddling offer us many benefits as individuals and couples, so intentionally adding them to your routine will help strengthen your relationship. These forms of physical touch release hormones like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin, which lead to feelings of happiness and play a role in emotional bonding and feelings of affection – improving our overall happiness in our relationships.
Add in the fact that these types of physical touch also help you feel less stressed and anxious can soothe pain, boost your immune system, and improve your self-esteem, and it becomes hard not to include them in your day.
Listen and Lovingly Respond
The Gottman Institute, which studies and researches relationships, discusses the importance of responding positively to our partners for the success of your relationship, saying that married spouses ‘are continually making bids for each other’s attention – introducing a conversation topic, implicitly asking a favour, etc. – and the most successful couples are the ones who continually ‘turn toward’ their partners.’
This ‘turning toward’ is a core idea in relationship counselling, centred on truly hearing what your partner is saying and responding in a way that conveys care, understanding, and support. An example of this is when one person sees something that interests or excites them while out for a walk and points it out to their partner. The partners that ‘turn toward’ will look at what’s been pointed out and respond to their partner’s comment without brushing it off or rushing by it. It sounds like a small thing, but it has a significant impact. This small act fosters feelings of trust, support, and love – essential elements for a happy, healthy marriage.
Soul Gaze
Soul gazing, the act of simply looking into each other’s eyes for a few minutes, is an exercise recommended by marriage counsellors to help spouses feel more connected. It might start off feeling uncomfortable, but as time passes, this activity can help you connect more deeply, feel more trust, and foster more empathy. It’s a way to interact with one another deeply, and the benefits can be felt with only a few minutes of gazing at each other – making it something that easily fits into your daily routine.
Say, “I Love You”
Perhaps the most important and simplest thing you can do each day for your marriage is to tell your spouse you love them. It’s easy for this to fall through the cracks when life is busy or to assume your partner knows you love them, but saying ‘I love you’ reaffirms your feelings and commitment to one another.
Final Thoughts
Our daily habits add up, and prioritising the ones that support your and your spouse’s relationship can add up to a strong, deeply connected marriage.
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