When you and your partner decide you want to start trying for a baby, its quite a big one-breath statement. Becoming parents changes your life forever, and it’s one that you do together as a team. Growing a baby is not just the main part here, when it comes to planning a pregnancy. Growing your relationship at the same time is equally as big. In fact, it becomes even bigger when the trying for a baby plans don’t quite go, well, ‘to plan’.
Deciding you want to start trying for a baby is a journey in itself, and sadly, there a lot of people who feel saddened or surprised when it doesn’t happen as easily as they had hoped. It’s something you have no control of. You watch people try for children, and for some, it happens straight away. For some, before they are even ready! Yet others can try for years and years, and some have to go down fertility routes, like IVF.
If this is the current situation for you, where you are struggling to conceive and looking into fertility routes, you may be feeling the strain on your relationship. The key to growing your relationship, and strengthen your family, is understanding that you’ll need to keep the conversation going through all the many decisions that will follow.
The struggle with conceiving can take both partners by surprise, and emotions can be a little all over the place. It’s common that not only will you feel a certain way about yourself, but you’ll have mixed feelings towards your partner. Guilt, anger, love, frustration. It’s totally normal, as it is just you two alone going through it, and can be a heavy load to carry.
I recently came across a source of content over at Proxeed, which identifies the stresses and strains on relationships as they work what can be a tough time. The diagram below highlights many thoughts that either partner may have, and why there may be hidden tension building up in the relationship.
Of course, when trying for a baby has not gone as easily as you had hoped, you’ll start noticing how you and your partner relate to one another. If tensions are high, try to stop and think about the opinions you may disagree on, and how you are both addressing it. Does one raise their voice when you disagree? Shouting won’t solve anything, and can make tensions higher and lead into a blown out of proportion row.
It might be that you notice one of you goes into a sulk when their opinion is not acted upon. If this isn’t what you notice, it can be a great conversation starter to highlight that when you do become parents, raising voices or going into sulks isn’t a great way of communication to teach your children, so it’s best to nip it in the bud early.
Talking is vital at what can be the most hardest period of your time as a couple, if not in your whole life. It means that whatever stage of your struggles to conceive you are at as a couple, it’s important to learn better ways to communicate now. It will not only strengthen your partnership, but it’s the way to create the harmonious home you want for your child.
Hardly anyone imagines that it won’t be easy for them to have a baby. Now more than ever, you and your partner need to get strong information, action plans and support, but most importantly, keep the lines of communication open.
It might sound easier said than done to just say ‘learn to talk to each other’, so with that in mind, I’ve shared some tips that I found myself over on the Proxeed website.
Tips on how to reduce the strain between you both
- Reduce the pressure around having sex. It can seem like your whole relationship revolves around conceiving, and sex becomes a chore, and one you are focusing on too much. It becomes associated with ‘bad news’ or feelings of failure, and that will only harm your mind and relationship. Try to take the pressure away. Stick to a reduced number of times and try to connect in other ways
- Spend more time making sensible plans, like putting money away for fertility treatments and any appointments further down the line. Many couples go down private healthcare routes, and the financial side of this can scare many people. As money can cause rows, try to plan ahead and be realistic.
- Always give your partner time for he/she to go through their point of view. Ask them in a relaxed and calm atmosphere, and make sure you listen without interrupting. As soon as one person buts in, that’s when voices start to be raised.
- Reach out for support. Don’t suffer in silence if you are having a really tough emotional time. It may be that you want to talk about things away from your partner, and join support groups online or meet ups with others going through the same. Remember, there is always help out there.
The key to growing your relationship and going from strength to strength during such a difficult time is to communicate, and communicate well between the two of you. Without talking and understanding each other, the foundations will become unsteady and cracks will show. You will get through the tough times better as a strong, united couple, which is more important than anything else.
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